It’s been a while. I’ve taken select shoots here and there. I have slowly refocused and redefined what I want and how I want to achieve it. I have new dreams. But before I get to that… I want to be real. For those that have believed in me, for those that have been previous clients and for those that I have let down.
We all have crazy, tumultuous lives. Mine is no different. Maybe a different set of circumstances, but I have challenges and face obstacles in my life every.single.day. I stopped shooting full-time in 2013. At the end of 2012, I decided… in the midst of my life falling apart, I would pursue shooting full time. I got a studio. A studio that literally had my blood sweat and tears in it from remodeling. Some of the blood sweat and tears belonged to my closest friends. Those that loved me helped me more than I could ever explain. However, mentally… I was not in a good place. As my life continued to crumble I began to let things slip and fall. The balls I had juggled for so long, began to fall. Suddenly, it was easier to let it all go and then stick my head in the sand and pretend I was an ostrich.
I lost everything. I lost myself. I lost my dreams.
Now, two years later… I no longer feel as though I am under water and I feel as though I can officially say I see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, I can maybe even tell you that I don’t feel like I am in a tunnel any longer. I have disappointed my friends and family, clients, and most importantly myself. There is some damage that can never be repaired. There is healing that has been done and healing that continues to be done. I have realized that I cannot take on the world. I cannot work full time, shoot full time, and be present in the life of those that I love. I have learned how to say no. Sometimes, I still struggle with this piece, but I know where my weaknesses are.
I write this as a public way to say that I am walking back into the world of being a photographer. I do this, knowing that I will have to work hard to build trust again. But I am human. I have fallen short, and I will rise back up. I have faith in myself and my ability to be a better person than I have been.
I’ve been listening to a seminar by someone that I am inspired by. Professionally and personally. She has asked a question and one that has had me stumped. “What is your superpower?” I used to be able to joke around about this question. I’ve often said that I should have a cape. But the reality is… I don’t have a superpower. I cannot say that I excel at anything. But, here is what I can say:
I am good at listening to those who need to talk.
I am good at photography.
I love with all that I have.
I am good at writing my thoughts and telling a story.
I am good at multi-tasking (although the finishing seems to be a struggle)
I am a good person.
So no, I don’t have any super powers. I can however, impact the lives of those that I photograph. I want to make an impact with what I am good at. I have a dream of impacting someone’s life by the way I photograph someone. There are several ideas floating around in my mind. I want to ensure that I do it right. I want to ensure that I don’t let people down. I want to ensure that my photography resonates with someone, for good reasons.
So I am slowly easing back in. I am taking a select number of sessions a month. I am redefining what and why I shoot. Thank you to those that have continued to believe in me, even when I have fallen so hard. Thank you for loving me as family friends and clients. Thank you for continuing on this journey with me. Here’s to a future that is amazing.
All my love